I wanted to do another book review, but I've had a lot of other things going on at the moment. So I thought it would be good for me to get out all of my thoughts in this post. The next next time I post will be about the movie trailer I created for Fried Green Tomatoes, by Fannie Flagg.
The Goo Goo dolls concert was awesome, but I must talk about a thing called "concert etiquette". I go to a small state school in Pennsylvania called Lock Haven University. We have a mixture of every race, academic standing, and for lack of a better term: biotches. Now I don't look down on anyone for having a couple shots before going to a concert because I think I was the only one who didn't drink beforehand. These three girls were trying to push their way to the front of the stage no matter what the cost. They were drunk, they were loud, they were short, they were whiny, they had lots of big hair, they were rude. One of them kept using her hand to flip her hair back and it kept getting in my mouth. If I could have moved without getting separated from my friends I would have. When I told her that she was getting her hair in my mouth she didn't even look at me and said "Well theres like a million people around" and didn't even stop. She was leaning on me because she was so belligerent elbowing me in my rib cage. I turned around and nobody else was acting this way, they were drunk, but not bothering anybody else. Apparently she pissed off some girls next to me because they stuck gum in her hair and watched it get tangled even deeper as she flipped her hair back in our faces. Moral of the story: don't piss anyone off when your drunk at a concert... you might find yourself with a jar of peanut butter and a butter knife later trying to loosen the gum... unless you want to use scissors.
Speaking of being drunk, I want to tell you my views about it. I never drank once in high school because I had no time and all of those 'above the influence' commercials got to me first. The first time I drank was over the summer at a work party and let me tell you... I now know my limits. I made so many people mad because I was so wasted that I was considering quitting that job. I vowed never to get that drunk again. I think that I've had alcohol maybe 4-5 times since last summer where I actually felt something, but I don't usually go out of my way to go to house parties or to Penn State on weekends to drink. I find myself getting excited over movie nights and sleepovers that me and my friends plan for the weekend, and drinking just doesn't make me that excited. I've definitely met people who think they've had a bad weekend if they don't go to at least one party or have just one beer. Have I turned down shots from my friends? Yes. Am I a non-alcohol activist? No.
Last night I felt betrayed by some friends who didn't invite me to go to state college with them even though I mentioned that I'd want to come. I haven't drank since last semester and I said to myself "You know what? I deserve to go out and have a little fun." So I called one of my friends who I went to high school with and asked if I could tag along with him if he went out. We went to a disgusting house right next to the university (dumb.) but there were so many people there and the alcohol was free so it didn't phase me. Let me tell you that average LHU house parties are gross... as I'm sure other colleges are too. The floor is drenched in spilled alcohol, there are dirty dishes everywhere, and everyone reeks of sweat and sex. This all sounds disgusting but the funny thing is that when you start drinking none of it matters. I started to drink what's known as "jungle juice" which is part kool-aid and alcohol of your choice. I danced with different guys in a very inappropriate way (something I am never proud of), I said a bunch of dumb embarrassing things, and then I threw up in the sink -- twice. My friend walked me home and snuck me in the back entrance of my dorm hall. I could barely see, I could barely walk, but apparently I was happy as a clam according to him.
This morning I felt so sick, and I had a dance recital later. I felt so regretful of the night before that I had broken my vow to not get that bad ever again that I actually teared up a little. I was also thinking about the certain people in my life who would definitely be disappointed in me if they found out. Now, I'm not saying that I was the worse person at that party... because trust me I was not. I'm also not saying that I did anything out of the ordinary that people would remember me or even bring up.
But I do feel bad that I let my personal responsibility to myself get away from me. I need to work on keeping my own promises. I sent this text message to my friend this morning: Hey darling, I can't thank you enough for being with me last night. I'm gonna thank you in person, but I wanted to just pre-mention it so that you know I'm really grateful.
Here is my message to anyone who reads this. It's ok to mess up once in a while, it makes us grow as people and in my case as an adult. Even if your personal responsibility, whatever it may be, doesn't always come to fruition because of wrong choices or mistakes, as long as you never lose it you'll be ok. There is always a growing opportunity.
Lou
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